Produced by Charles Keller, and David Widger
WHO WAS WHO
5000 B. C. TO DATE
Biographical Dictionary of the Famous and Those Who Wanted to Be
Edited by Irwin L. Gordon
THE editor begs leave to inform the public that only persons who can produce proper evidence of their demise will be admitted to Who Was Who. Press Agent notices or complimentary comments are absolutely excluded, and those offering to pay for the insertion of names will be prosecuted. As persons become eligible they will be included without solicitation, while the pages will be expurgated of others should good luck warrant.
Who Was Who contains over 500 biographies of those who did or endeavored to become famous. In a work of such magnitude errors occasionally occur. Should this be the case, the editor will be glad to receive corrections from the ex-celebrities or their enemies. These will be accepted gratis. Proofs will be sent to all subscribers. Members of the family will be able to order the coming editions in advance by applying and remitting to the publisher.
The work is fully protected by the libel laws of the United States and Great Britain. Under no circumstance will duels be fought.
The editor wishes to express his thanks to those who have furnished material for this book. He also trusts they will show their good feeling by purchasing a copy, and that all the unfortunates will speedily be returned to Who’s Who.
A. B…….. Four years hard sentence.
A. M…….. When we get up.
Cit……… Common people.
C. O. D….. No credit.
Cong…….. A Washington organization used for social and
D. D…….. Be careful of your jokes.
Dem……… Politicians who get in office, once in awhile.
D. H…….. Pull.
D. T…….. Delirium tremens.
Ets……… The rest of us.
F. R. A….. Brains.
F. R. G. S.. People who do not stay at home.
G. O. P….. Hic jacet.
Hon……… Speaker of the occasion.
H. R. H….. Chief advertiser for cigarettes, mustard and kid
Incog……. Prominent men in Paris.
IOU……… Hard luck.
Ire……… Mother of politicians.
LL. D……. American millionaires.
M. P…….. Home rule debaters.
Parl…….. Where the M. P.s debate.
P. M…….. When we go to bed.
R. A…….. Any kind of a painter but a cubist.
Rep……… See G. O. P.
R. I. P….. See following pages.
Sir……… Writers and tea merchants.
U. S. A….. Bryan + Wilson.
Cannon, Joseph G., of U. S. Congress.
Castro, Cipriano, of Venezuela Asphalt Trust.
Cavalieri, Lina, of Paris and New York City.
Cook, Doctor Fred. A., of New York City and Denmark.
Dewey, George E., of U. S. N.
Diaz, Perfiro, of Mexico.
Din, Gunga, of Kipling.
Dreyfus, Captain, of France.
Fallieres, Armand, of the French Republic.
Gorky, Maxime, of Russia.
Hafid, Mulai, of Morocco.
Hamed, Abdul, of Turkey.
Hammerstein, Oscar, of New York City and London.
Holmes, Sherlock, of Doyle.
Huerta, V., General of Mexico.
Irish Home Rule, of Ireland and London.
Johnson, Jack, of U. S. A.
Lloyd-George, David, of England.
Manuel, King, of Portugal.
Pankhurst, Mrs., of England.
Patti, Adelina, of Wales.
Roberts, Frederick S., of Kandohr.
Rojesvensky, Admiral, of Russia.
Roosevelt, Theodore, of “The Outlook.”
Shackelton, Earnest, of England.
Shuster, Morgan, of Persia.
Sulzer, William, of Tammany Fall.
Taft, William Howard, of Cincinnati, U. S. A.
Time, Father, of Everywhere.
Widow, Merry, of Paris, London, and New York City.
ADAM(1) (last name unknown), ancestor, explorer, gardener, and inaugurator of history. Biographers differ as to his parentage. Born first Saturday of year 1. Little is known of his childhood. Education: Self-educated. Entered the gardening and orchard business when a young man. Was a strong anti-polygamist. Married Eve, a close relative. Children, Cain and Abel (see them). Was prosperous for some years, but eventually fell prey to his wife’s fruitful ambitions. Lost favor of the proprietor of the garden, and failed in business. A. started a number of things which have not been perfected. Diet: Fond of apples. Recreation: Chess, agriculture. Address: Eden, General Delivery. Clubs: Member of all exclusive clubs.
(1) Ed. Note: Adam should not be first, but he is given that position out of respect.
ABEL, son of the above. Spent early days in the Garden of Eden with his parents, and later traveled with them. Conducted a sheep raising business. Finally had a row with his brother, and was knocked out in the first round.
ABRAHAM, a patriarch whose descendants now own New York City, Jerusalem, vast sections of the remainder of the globe, and control the pawn-broking, diamond, theatrical, and old clothing markets. Camel and sheep merchant. Considerable land was willed him. A. prospered. Married Sarah (last name unknown). Marital infelicity followed, A. having an affair with Mrs. Abraham’s maid. The woman was discharged, and the family lived happily ever afterward. Ambition: The chosen people. Recreation: Riding, tennis, camel racing. Address: Caanan. Clubs: Country.
ABRUSSI, Prince Luigi Amedeo Guiseppe Maria Ferdinando Francesco, of the Italian nobility. Spent the greater portion of his life taking care of his name, climbing mountains, fighting Turks, and denying rumors regarding his marriage.
ACHILLES (first name unknown), a baby whose mother gave him a bath, but forgot to wash all of his feet. Later was veteran of the siege of Troy. Died before receiving pension.
AESOP, novelist, nature faker. Little is known of his childhood except that he was fond of dogs and played with the cat. Later he made animals his life’s study. A. discovered the zoological principal that a turtle can run faster than a rabbit, and that foxes never eat sour grapes. Publications: Fables; the book has had a good sale. Address: Greece. Clubs: Zoological Societies.
ALADDIN, of Somewhere. An ancient who possessed a lamp and a genii with which he could secure anything an American millionaire or actress can now purchase.
ALDRICH, Senator N. W., architect of the Aldrich Plan, a system for removing the financial interests of the country from the common people and placing them in the hands of the few.